Saturday, 26 October 2013

Of Friends and wrong assumptions

My dear friends!
This is dedicated to you people, with all my love!

Lately I've been doing some thinking, ever since my eyes were opened to the fact that I've made some wrong assumptions about my friends. Turning 26 this year, I'm one of the few friends who are yet to marry and in no rush to do so [believe me!]

Anyways, I always had a close knit group of friends, we had the best of times, hanging out. Things started to change when my friends married. Their priorities shifted, their husbands came first and initially I found this a bit difficult to adjust to. I couldn't talk to them whenever I wanted, I couldn't hang out whenever I wished. Earlier, I'd classed them all under categories [see below] but recent events have led me to reevaluate stuff. These were/still are different categories of the married friends.

The One who's too much in love

Honestly I didn't believe this category existed, but it does! One of my closest friend's world revolves around her husband, even after 4 years of marriage. I rang her up the other day, asking if she wanted to have dinner with me sometime and her answer was she likes having dinner with her husband. This left me speechless to be honest, and I replied, 'Don't you have dinner with him everyday? We haven't met in a year, it's only one day.' Giving up, I invited her husband over too only to be told dinner for them is something special that the two share. Apparently I didn't understand because I am not married. *speechless*

The One who become Aunties overnight

This kind is seriously annoying. Since the day they're married, they make it their mission to get all their friends married. Conversations with them usually start with, 'koi rishtay aye hain?' and end with 'shaddi bohat zaroori hoti hai, you don't know what you're missing out on' and stuff. Occasionally, they also talk about how important it is for a girl to get married in this moashrra and that they pray for you five times a day that you find a partner of good seerat and be as happy as they are. They also feel the need to pity you if you tell them you do not have any rishtas to consider, koi baat nahi yaar, meri bhabi ki cousin ki shaddi 30 years main hoi, bus keep trying. Agar tum kaho to main kissi rishtay wali say baat kerun? OH GOD! Save me from this!

The Susral lovers

All they do is talk about themselves or their life in their susral. To them, their issues are more important because, didn'tchaknow? they're married! My issues are stupid and baseless because I'm single and my life involve things like my job, and career. They talk about their susral at length, each boring event/birthday/shadi of every nandh, phuppi and bhabi, names you haven't heard before, people you're not familiar with. Itty bitty gossip about their susral, things they bought with their saas etc. No I do not want to know your saas got a hair cut or bought the same designer lawn as you.

The Newbie Moms

This kind rarely talks of anything other than their kids. They find it hard to cope with the pressures of being a mom and ask for advice from anyone who's available. How they're not pooping enough, how she eats too little, how he doesn't sleep on time, or wakes up too early. How she spits out her date and raisin flavored baby food. How she didn't get enough burpies today. Each story would end with them asking me, what do you think I should do? And I'd go like...errr, I don't know, ask your mom? The newbie mom also refuses to hang out with you since they can't seem to bring their kids to cinemas or restuarants and they don't want to leave their babies at home, even though they live with the baby's dada dadi.

The Know it All Moms

Just because they've had a child, they're certified experts at child raising. If you even dare to suggest something regarding the child's upbringing, watch them turn into fire breathing dragons. They expect everyone to love their kid as much as they do, be they pooping, burping, throwing plates and breaking china. One of my friend kept complaining about her 1 month son having rashes and irritated skin. She had him wearing itty bitty designer jeans [now jean cloth is tough and not breathable]. I suggested changing his pants, something softer and breathable, which wouldn't irritate him and she went crazy mom on me. Told me to mind my own business and she was the mom, therefore she knew better. In other words I should just shut up until after I've had a child. This other friends child has a habit of picking up things and smashing them on the floor, I find it bothersome that she doesn't stop the child from doing it, specially when they're visiting. My friend's 2 year old broke a vase at my best friend's house, all the while her mother did nothing to stop it. Of course, it bothered me and my best friend [who by the way is also single] the little one then started going after other glass items. My best friend only asked this mom to keep her daughter at her side. That did it, she made such a fuss over it and didn't speak to her for 3 months! When I tried patching things up between them, I was very angrily told that, 'Main nahi berdasht ker sakti koi meri bachi to badtameez kahay, tum abhi nahi samjhoo gee kyun kay tum maa nahi bani' -.-

The One's who forget you

This kind ditches their old friends in favor of new ones, they become closer to their husband's friends and their wives and socialize with other couples. They'd meet you once in a blue moon, or run into you at shopping malls or restaurants, and that too very formally. They act all mature and sophisticated and usually frown upon the carefree ways of the single ones.

The Gossip Queens

Don't get me wrong, I love gossip but not the kind these girls have to offer. They'd gossip about their other married friends, their bhabi's, and of the most personal kind, issues in the bedrooms, fights and arguments. Honestly,  I don't know these people, why do I care if they're sleeping in separate rooms? They thrive on such kind of tit bits and find it amusing. They often discuss their sex life too, with way too much info most of the time. Then they want to know interesting stuff happening in your life and cut you off if you try to tell them about some work related issue. Soon they label you as boring and eventually stop talking to you.

The Ones who keep it cool

I don't have many friends like this, only one in fact. She's always available to hang out, she has no issues leaving her kids with her in-laws or her parents place. She wants time away from her husband, she likes to talk about other interests like movies, music, world news, no mention of her kids or husband other than in passing.

Having said all this, my friends might have changed but they're still my friends at heart. There's still a little part inside them that remembers the good old days. As I recently witnessed, I fell rather badly ill the past 2 months and all my friends, [and I mean all, be it the husband lovers, or the know it all moms] were super concerned about me, they'd ring me up every day, make plans and visit, cheer me up whenever they could. It kind of reminded me of how things were back when we were all single and then it kind of hit me. They might have changed a lot, but so had I. If they had become self absorbed, I'd become distant too. I had stopped sharing my problems with them, stopped discussing personal things, I had basically shut them out. We're still close knit, perhaps not in the same way as before but just an evolved kind. We can still depend on each other, share our problems and unburden on each other's shoulder.