Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Book Review: Hades



HADES [Halo II]
Alexandra Adornetto

Bookshelves: Paranormal, Young Adult, Pretty covers, Stupid hero/heroine
Rate O Meter: A shriveled 1/2 ♥


What the blurb said

Heaven Help Her.

Bethany Church is an angel sent to Earth to keep dark forces at bay. Falling in love was never part of her mission, but the bond between Beth and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier Woods, is undeniably strong. But even Xavier’s love, and the care of her archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, can’t keep Beth from being tricked into a motorcycle ride that ends up in Hell. There, the demon Jake Thorn bargains for Beth’s release back to Earth. But what he asks of her will destroy her, and quite possibly, her loved ones, as well.

The story that Alexandra Adornetto built in her New York Times-bestselling debut, Halo, comes alive in action-packed and unexpected ways, as angels battle demons, and the power of love is put to the test.

What I say
The blurb obviously lied!


So I wonder if I've ever told you people how much I love making lists. Yep. I spend hours on my things to do and other random lists.

Here's one I'm sharing with you.

Things I'd probably do while trying to read HADES

Leaf through the pagesdescription
Endure description
Shake head in disbelief description
Raise my blood pressure description
Grind my molars to dust description
Be stupefied beyond belief description
Kill my brain cells description
Go to sleep description
Watch tv description
Read another book description
Laugh hysterically description
Scream in my pillow description
Have a good time
Enjoy reading

Now that almost all of these have been checked off the list except the last two that somehow evade me EVERY TIME I TRY! I decided I couldn't wait forever to write a review on here.

BEHOLD! The RESULTS OF MY MANY ATTEMPTS TO READ HADES [IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER]

Attempt # 1:

“Are you coming over for dinner tonight?” I asked Xavier, linking my arm through his. “Gabriel wants to try making burritos.”

*major eye roll* Get your own gourmet show already Gabriel! Or get a life, whatever comes first. Growing a pair might help too.

Attempt # 2:

I’m just thinking,” he said. “How come in all the paintings, angels are depicted guarding thrones in Heaven or taking out demons? I wonder why they’re never shown in the kitchen making burritos.”
“Because we have a reputation to uphold,” I said, nudging him. “So are you coming?”

Hmmm, I wonder what reputation she's talking about? Oh I know! the dumb ass, good for nothing angel trio reputation! Lets see how the story goes. Once upon a time, 3 great angels descended from the heavens, each bringing a gift to mankind No, no, no. That is all wrong.

There were these three angels, the elder one liked cooking, the middle one liked partying, the little one made everyone's life miserable.

Oh wait, I think I got my 80 year old neighbors confused with these characters.

Attempt # 3

"He was just as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. His tie hung loose and his blazer was slung casually over one shoulder."

*blinks*
*tries to recall what Xavier looked like*
*an image of a faceless teenager with mouse colored hair pops in mind*
*shakes head sadly*

This girl needs to get some, if she thinks a tie hanging loose and blazer slung casually on one shoulder makes for breathtakingly beautiful.

Attempt # 4 

“Gabriel wants to try making burritos.”

Hmmm ¬¬

I'm hungry. I should go get some burritos too. *cheerfully walk to the kitchen*

Attempt # 5

Since the violent encounter with Jake last year, Xavier had hit the gym even harder and thrown himself into sports more vigorously.

*stupefied beyond belief*
a little pause

*laughs hysterically*

I'm sure the occupants of Hell are waiting in agony for Xavier's Ultimate Fitness Show. LIVE.

Attempt # 6

"His face was open and friendly. I was pleased to see that Gabriel was more relaxed these days."

*gasp* Is he?! I tell you! it's those ballet classes, and sewing he's taken up. Isn't he divine! *swoons*
I mean seriously, can anyone focus on their DUTY for a minute!! Whatever happened to saving mankind and why do they keep saving Bethany?!

Attempt # 7

"I kept one of Xavier’s T-shirts, dowsed in his cologne, under my pillow so that every night I could imagine he was with me."


*PUKES*

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